I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
