So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
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