I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Randomize
