Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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