Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize
