After last night, I could never be a politician.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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