Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
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