with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
