dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
