Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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