It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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