I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
