I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Operation Purity has been aborted
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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