true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
