A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
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