Betty ford says i'm here all night
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
