I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
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