At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Im part way to drunk.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
How does it feel to date your dad?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
