why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
