my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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