so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Randomize
