Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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