i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize