mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
