just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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