remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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