Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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