i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize