I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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