Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
