They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
