Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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