Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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