I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
