I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
