I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
