I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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