I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
