I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
