What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
What drink are we having for lunch?
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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