we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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