Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Randomize
