my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Come see our sink grown plant.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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