I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
