Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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