I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
