So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Randomize
