So drunk its hurt
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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