You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
where does the pee come out of this thing
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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