help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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