I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
