No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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