it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
