Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
Randomize
