dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
