I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
