i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
should my penis look like a turkey
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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