I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
