i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
