I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
