I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
