is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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