I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Randomize
