please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize