you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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