before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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