I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
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