Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
