i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize