It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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